Thursday, November 6, 2008

Brain Fog

Top of head, dull pain. Underneath the skull. Feels full, swollen, inflamed like. Tylenol doesn't even make a pause in the blood pulsating through my skull.

I stand in the isle of canned goods and have no idea what I'm looking for. I scan and scan, getting dizzy, what do I need? I check the list to see if anything on it matches something on the shelves in front of me.

Difficulty remembering. Times I forget if I was going upstairs or downstairs and what I was retrieving.

I wander around the room not knowing what I got up for. Not knowing what I'm doing or what I was in the middle of doing.

Once I got into the car and didn't remember if I was getting in or getting out.

Times while driving I forget where I am, like I am on the wrong street and never drove it before…but when I wake from that skipped in thought moment, usually it is the road on the way home.

I run into a friend whom I've known for a few years now at a store. I know their face, but their name is gone to me. You know, she's the one I used to work with.....the blonde.....the one we went to that concert know, she's the one who we threw the baby shower for.......

I know, I know but I can’t find the words in my memory to say what I, er..ah, ya know, that thing or to find things, that I swear was just there.

Does anyone remember why the Berlin Wall was built? Where did it come from?

Or in my kitchen when I put dishes away, another hiccup in my memory, gee where does this go? I go to that cabinet, and to this one…nope, nope in a minute..oh, this is where she goes.

What am I supposed to be doing right now?

Stress just smothers any thought. Extreme stress in the home. The load is too heavy for one, let alone the one with Lupus.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Few Day Overview

A little diary entry to keep track of things.
I planned a town day for last Thursday that began at 10am and ended with me getting home at 10pm. My husband thought this could possibly be a dumb ass thing to do, but I did it anyway.
I used caution. I had lunch with my daughter and her bestfriend, and continued on with the errands. I got propane tanks filled, went to Wal Mart, the UPS store, dropped off wool for Whitney at Lula's, dropped of stuff for Helen at the Pizza Outback, got the water jugs filled, and did the grocery shopping. All of this before almost collasping at the coffee shop for my Knit Night knitting group. Now, I did rest at intervals. And I was in my full sun gear. And I did remember to bring my meds along, and take them. It was a great day with only intermitten episodes of feeling exhausted and shakey.

Friday was quieter at home. I did house work, and mending. We got dressed up in costume to greet the neighbor kids for trick-or-treating. But as we were going to bed, I felt the very familiar headache start on the left side of my head. It's like a vice grips just one portion of my head tightly. So I took a mental note.

Saturday I couldn't get out of bed much. I could, but I didn't feel like I could. I couldn't bear to turn on my phone or computer. My joints ached, I was running a low grade temp., my headached, and I was completely fatigued. Now, I'm not sure if this is a flare, or if this is part of the warning signs of a flare. I'm still unsure of all the proper Lupie Lingo. But I figured either way, I'd just rest and ride it out and see what happens.

So I stayed in bed and worked on my knitted Holiday gifts. I'm proud to say that I have now started each item on my gift list. That was no small task!! But now I can say that I had everything started by Nov. 1st.