Thursday, November 6, 2008

Brain Fog

Top of head, dull pain. Underneath the skull. Feels full, swollen, inflamed like. Tylenol doesn't even make a pause in the blood pulsating through my skull.

I stand in the isle of canned goods and have no idea what I'm looking for. I scan and scan, getting dizzy, what do I need? I check the list to see if anything on it matches something on the shelves in front of me.

Difficulty remembering. Times I forget if I was going upstairs or downstairs and what I was retrieving.

I wander around the room not knowing what I got up for. Not knowing what I'm doing or what I was in the middle of doing.

Once I got into the car and didn't remember if I was getting in or getting out.

Times while driving I forget where I am, like I am on the wrong street and never drove it before…but when I wake from that skipped in thought moment, usually it is the road on the way home.

I run into a friend whom I've known for a few years now at a store. I know their face, but their name is gone to me. You know, she's the one I used to work with.....the blonde.....the one we went to that concert know, she's the one who we threw the baby shower for.......

I know, I know but I can’t find the words in my memory to say what I, er..ah, ya know, that thing or to find things, that I swear was just there.

Does anyone remember why the Berlin Wall was built? Where did it come from?

Or in my kitchen when I put dishes away, another hiccup in my memory, gee where does this go? I go to that cabinet, and to this one…nope, nope in a minute..oh, this is where she goes.

What am I supposed to be doing right now?

Stress just smothers any thought. Extreme stress in the home. The load is too heavy for one, let alone the one with Lupus.

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